8/19/04   Pants Crisis Revisited

The votes are in.  Feedback overwhelmingly indicates that my trip's most touching missive was "Pant's Crisis".  It would be unfair, I think, to leave these loose threads hanging, as it were.  An update is required and hereby provided.  The final tally [subject to the last few legs of my journey home to Maine] is that the last reserve pair has been pressed into service.  It's predecessor pair, moreover, is still fully functioning, although today's washing reveals a sort of "muslin" character to the seat.  The pair of "fissured yet functional" (original message) pair has been placed on waivers, as the fissuring appears grave.  Moreover, the aforementioned "muslin" pair is relegated to "injured - reserve" status, to be called up only in the unlikely event of a further laundry cycle before home.

Additionally I feel it necessary to report somewhat sadly upon my sister-in-law Hope's response to my initial declaration of crisis.  Ever the kindly sister-in-law, Hope "reminded" me of another (prior) pair (she goes so far as to claim "dark Blue") split while allegedly playing a game of "Charades" at their summer home in Canada several years ago.  First and foremost, I can't conceive that I would ever have allowed myself to participate in such "Charades" shenanigans, and I must vigorously deny that any such incident ever occurred.  Incredulously, Hope goes on to claim a family conspiracy whereby my brother "ruined in the knees and seat" a light blue pair and a kaiki [sic] pair.  This poor confused girl asserts that she has saved all of these allegedly "ruined" pairs of "taft brothers" pants.  First claims of a conspiracy to ruin pants, and then a Monica-like squirreling away of mens' clothing.  Ahh, but if only it ended there.  I fear to report that it does not, for dear Hope further claims that "this year [she] turned then into very nice nine-patch seat cushions for the kitchen chairs [in their summer home] . . . each one has a slightly different arrangements of the colors. but all are made of the sturdy pant fabric supplied by taft brothers".  My dear sister-in-law, how can you have fallen so far?  Saving and sewing like some unfortunate combination of Monica Lewinsky and Martha Stewart.  Of course, I still deny that the [dark Blue] pants [now cushions] in question ever graced my hips.  And as to your further suggestion that "if you are looking for a way to recycle your current ones, please send them my way" -- well, if I may be so blunt, perhaps you should be talking not to me, but at some length with my wife Susan -- the psychologist . . .